I have to give myself a pep-talk every time my bladder reminds me that I am growing life. Who would have thought that going to the restroom would be so terrifying? I am just sure, so sure, my world will come crashing down around me again.
One thing that is very different this pregnancy than my last is my faith in Jesus Christ. My trust is in him. I will not let fear, loss or grief consume me like it once did. I will do my very best to give my worries to the Lord this time. I am praying for His will and not mine. I can't honestly say that I did that last time.
I am counting down the days until I am 14 weeks and mostly out of the woods to share this exciting news with my friends and family. I just wanted to record my initial feelings, thoughts and emotions.
Thank you to everyone who has supported and prayed for Chris and I on this heartbreaking and beautiful journey.
All my love,
I wrote this nearly two months ago and it has been staring at me in my drafts. And the question remained, should I share? After a lot of thought, I decided that if my journey gave just one woman hope, comfort and/or the peace she is seeking, it would be worth it.
See, I wasn't planning on getting pregnant during this time. I found out the day before I was scheduled for an MRI. I was supposed to be scheduling surgery to remove a mass they found on my uterus but when the positive sign I have longed for showed up, everything was put on standby. Unfortunately, I miscarried a few weeks after I found out I was expecting. Physically this miscarriage was much more difficult than my first but emotionally I found a peace that I searched for endlessly last time. Prior to finding out I was pregnant, I didn't know if I would ever have the chance to see a positive sign on a stick ever again. While my outcome was not what I prayed for, it restored my hope, a hope that I had lost. And for that, I am so grateful.
Know that if you or someone you know is experiencing a similar situation, you're not alone. We're all in this together. I strongly believe that our babies are waiting for us in a beautiful place and we will have the meeting or reunion we so long for.