Definition of Infertility: an inability to get or stay pregnant after a year of trying if you're under 35, or six months if you're older.
I am now an unlucky member of a group that no woman wants to be a part of, a group that is silent and many times overlooked, a group of infertile women.
To all of the wonderful people who are privileged enough to know nothing about this bullshit group, please note that my emotions and actions have no logic behind them 99 percent of the time.
If I avoid you, it's because I don't feel like crying in public or putting on a fake smile. It's embarrassing and I am trying to hold on to the little bit of self control I have left.
If you tell me that it will happen when the time is right, please know that the tiny amount of self control I have left may escape me and who knows what the hell will come out of my angry, bitter and selfish mouth.
If you are not a doctor and even if you are, keep all of your comments about stress, timing, ovulation kits and prayer to yourself. I am currently doing all of the above.
If you are pregnant and I don't seem happy for you, please don't take offense. I am just extremely angry and pissed that it's not me. So yes, jealousy is the word I am looking for here.
If you know someone struggling with infertility, don't give up on them. It may seem like the sane person you once knew is lost forever but they are not. They are just buried under a pile of negative pregnancy tests, ovulation kits and baby shower invitations.