Monday, February 4, 2013

I n b e t w e e n & Honesty

let me begin by saying I am going to do my best not to offend anyone but we all know I am treading on water over here if I have to mention a disclaimer. However, this blog is my outlet and well my ramblings.

With that being said, in the past 2-3 years a whole lot has changed for me.. like my last name for instance. I went from the typical college student (participating in large amounts of partying which I am completely ashamed of) to a wife, active church member, law assistant, grad student.

About three years ago, I was completely lost. I probably couldn't tell you the last time I had been to church. I got saved when I was 8 so I have had a personal relationship with my savior for quite sometime. However, I chose to live for myself and was pretty much your party-going, crazy, and simply stupid teenager. To say the least, my life was in shambles. I was utterly miserable. I even attempted counciling a few times which led to no answers. Well I knew the answer, my relationship with the Lord was on it's last string.

I was waitressing at the time and these two couples continuously came into the restaurant and would invite me to church. One day I actually studied the track they left me rather than throwing it away and noticed they went to a church that also has a school which my little sister attends. I ended up attending my sisters Christmas performance, and then sunday service, then sunday night, then Wednesday. I seriously couldn't get enough. I imagine this is what it feels like when your starving and a filet mignon is placed in front of you, you can't stop.

I got baptized and become a member in February of that year. From August-February everything had changed. I knew I had found what was missing. However, I deeply struggled with leaving my old life style of partying and what not & I was scared to death of what all of my friends were thinking about me. I was far from perfect and had a long way to go..i still do.

flash back-Chris & I were friends all throughout high school. We met in the Dominos line my freshman year. he had long hair, I thought he was cute but it was nothing more than a silly crush and few flirtatious texts here and there. We were always just friends. Fast forward: Chris got out of the navy and asked me on a date. I blew him off but he was persistant so finally I caved. He dropped me off at my dorm and I had my last first kiss with the most charming boy. That was march. We were engaged by November and married on New years eve. 9 e x t r e m e l y fast but beautiful months.  

Some of my friends & family questioned my sanity and asked what the rush was. They thought I was crazy & pregant, i mean who does this? me.  & they thought planning a wedding in 6 weeks was impossible, I am here to tell you friends, it is completely possible. & when you know, you just know. I could of married Chris 14 days into our relationship. I just knew. we clicked in an unexplainable way. In the end, my friends & fam seriously were the main reason a 6 week wedding plan was possible. They were beyond helpful & i love them for that.

Considering very few of my friends have gotten married I  sometimes I think it is hard for my friends to understand that my interests have drastically changed and so have my priorities. I no longer have the urge to stay out til 2 am (truthfully 11 is pushing it) I work 40 hours a week and attend school full-time in a masters program, I am involved at church, I have dinner to cook, I have a house that desperately needs to be cleaned, laundry, my family, my husbands family, bills, a marriage, and whole lotta responsbility. I feel overextended on most days. I feel rushed with my time. but i have never been happier or more fulfilled.

I am writing this ridicously long post mostly because I feel I have to defend this life I chose from time to time.. and I just dont think its necessary. We live in a generation that has such a skewed percpetion of marriage and family it is really disheartening. I am so thankful that I do have a solid group of friends and family that have supported Chris & I from day one.  Most importantly, I am so happy that I have such a loving husband who never ceases to make me laugh and forced me to go on a date with him 2 March(s) ago.

Okay, thats all for now.


  1. I love you B! And Chris, and the people that truly love you, well you don't have to defend yourself to them. I'm SO glad you're happy and couldn't be more blessed to have such an understanding best friend. Love you my little farm girl ;)

    1. Love you too, Mar! We are blessed to have you as part of our extended fam! Thanks for being a great friend to Chris & I.


  2. I totally understand what you mean by "have to defend this life". My current life sounds similar to yours-- married, grad student & working, found a new church that makes us feel alive and we're active in it, and kinda lonely too? I have few married friends and the single (especially the ones who aren't Christians) don't get it. I'm so glad you wrote this post because it's nice to know that I'm not the only one :)

    1. I am so happy that you understand where I am coming from! Sometimes it is lonely for a moment but the fulfillment of serving the Lord outweighs everything. & He usually has a way of bringing Christian friends into the picture when old ones head out. I am glad you have found a church that makes you feel alive..there is nothing better than a loving church family! & you are def not alone girl :)


  3. I just found your blog and I love it. I love how honest you are in this post. Thank you for this!!!! I love real blogs.
    Would love to have you on the other end :)
    Oh, Just Living the Dream

  4. Girl, we sound like the same person.
    I, too, was also that crazy party girl...going out every weekend with friends, hanging out with the wrong crowd, dating all kinds of douche guys...and I still was so incredibly empty. I also grew up in the church and didn't really start taking my faith seriously until right before I met my husband.

    If you lived close to me, I would totally be your friend and we could be awesome together!!